WARNING: this review is for a product that enables you to cast an exact duplicate of a male’s genitals in chocolate. If the words and terms that spring to mind offend, you should probably 1) stop reading this review and 2) reconsider the products you look for on Amazon. You’ve been warned.
Now that it’s February 15th, I can safely post this review without risking ruining the surprise for my wife.
Yes, I am *that* guy.
No, I won’t be posting pictures of the finished product, or the process, for reasons that should be obvious.
Some of the negative reviewers were inexplicably confused about the nature of this kit; yes, it is real, edible chocolate, not just chocolate colored. Read the description, seriously.
The kit comes packaged with almost everything you need inside of a clear plastic tube about 3” in diameter and 12 or so inches long. This packing tube is also used in the molding process, so don’t hack it up until you’re told to in the instructions.
In addition to the kit contents you’ll need: a measuring cup for the water (at least 2 cups), a bowl for mixing the water (I used a 4 cup measuring cup for both measuring and mixing), a bowl to melt the chocolate in, paper towels, scissors, tape, and the most monstrous, throbbing erection you’ve ever had in your life.
Optional, but recommended: erection-inducing media of your preference, an extra set of hands to fluff or assist in the molding process, and an erection-ring (cock-ring) to help keep certain things in their most impressive state as long as possible, for molding.
The process is pretty straight forward, and the directions are pretty thorough, so I won’t go into the step-by-step; however, here are some tips based on my experience:
I did this solo since it was going to be a Valentine’s day gift and I wanted it to be a complete surprise, so I did not have the luxury of a fluffer, I mean assistant. Although I was ultimately successful in my molding efforts, it would be MUCH easier with a helper due to all of the logistics involved and the limited working time of the silicon molding agent.
Follow the instructions and use an erection ring, recruit a helper, or both. Even though I selected a high-quality, enthusiastically acted example of digitally-delivered performance art to assist, my visage in chocolate was only about 40% accurate (if you take my meaning), because I was unable to maintain a full erection until the mold started to set up. This was mostly due to the clinical and distracting nature of the process, having to mix and time and pour the silicon slurry, the weird posture needed to keep everything centered in the molding tube, and so forth. My final casting came out accurate and lifelike, but far less "dimensionally impressive" than it could have been.
Temperature of the assorted components involved in the molding process is very important to ensure a reasonable working time (stated at 2 minutes with 90-degree water) and curing (estimated at 2-3 minutes in the instructions). These figures were mostly accurate, for me. Hotter water will speed up the set-up, cooler water will slow it.
Once the mold is set, casting the chocolate is easy-peasy, just follow the instructions.
Since a chocolate casting of your own penis is an appropriate gift for every single holiday, and yesterday was Valentine’s day, I did the obvious thing and hit up the local dollar store to pick up a suitable box to put it in. While I was there, I also got some decorative shredded ribbon, a card, and a few of her second most favorite things to put in her mouth (York Peppermint Patties) to throw in as a bonus.
Unlike the molding kit, I did not follow the instructions of misters Samberg and Timberlake to a tee; I did not put a hole in my box before I put my chocolate junk in it.
The look on her face when she opened the box and realized what was inside was absolutely priceless. I’m sure mine was equally remarkable when she promptly picked it up, bit off the tip, and ate it. I was expecting there to be a lot more sensual licking and sucking involved, for some reason…
Totally worth the price, and the effort; I’d use this kit again without hesitation, though I’d follow the advice above and hopefully produce a more impressive, picture-worthy result next time.
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